IC contact

[thirtybits]

"This is Judah's voicemail, no need to leave your number, I'll reply as soon as I can."



text | audio | video | action

Comments

[thirtybits]

Unfortunately, yes. But really it's always been that way, so, what else is new. [Judas shrugs. Not because he doesn't care, of course, but because it really isn't any news to him.]

[depicted]

It must've been easier, though. [Dorian draws his legs up so that he can rest them on Judas and lean back against the curve of a branch.] Not in my day, I mean, we were already well on our way then. But it must have been easier, a long time ago, to get one scrap of goodness—to make one place, if only that one, better.

[thirtybits]

[He takes a sip of his wine, along with another bite of food.] In theory, yes. But without the benefit of concepts like democracy, instituting change was just as much of a battle. Even if it was only within one place. Nothing really changed with Judea, after all.

[depicted]

Nothing ever does. [He may have drank a bit more wine in that sip than necessary. As he speaks, he only slumps more, as if all will to sustain himself fades with every word.] You get so tired of it—the same wars, the same struggles, the same arguments, over and over and over and over. This world is about as good as changing its ways as I am. Possibly worse. It's exhausting.

[thirtybits]

You're telling me. That's why I have to believe someday things won't be that way. Otherwise it's just too hopeless to live.

[depicted]

[a pause

followed by a slight smile]

You and I a little past that point.

[thirtybits]

[A grin tugs at his lips.] Well, you know what I mean.

[depicted]

You should just cut out of it all. Stop caring. You've already tendered your resignation from life, right? Then it isn't your problem, not anymore. You don't have to worry about it.

[He is definitely provoking Judas for fun.]

[thirtybits]

What? How could I ever do something like that! I admit back home I haven't really done anything, but it's hard to do that anymore, especially as one lone person! But I make sure we save enough to donate to charity, at least. And I definitely can't help watching or reading the news!

[depicted]

[He donates money to charity?? when he has none??? It's horrifying.]

What point is there in being informed if you don't do anything with it? Knowledge of evil without the power to change it is an exercise in self-laceration.

Oh, I see the point now.

[thirtybits]

[He's about to protest, but then the second half of the comment comes. And really, what can he say to that? It sort of is half the point.] ...Well, a bit...

[depicted]

[Dorian considers it thoughtfully as he consumes more wine.] Then as a friend, I'll offer you another way for you to torture yourself over it: you're using the misery and misfortune of others as a way to satisfy your own need for pain. Very self-centred, Judah.

[thirtybits]

[Judas says nothing. How can he? It hits him hard. Is that what he's doing? Is he self-centred? How could he abuse the problems of the world for his own satisfaction? That's awful. He's awful. The absolute worst. He doesn't even breathe, eyes wide, suddenly very still.]

[depicted]

You're welcome. [Dorian eats the last apricot.]

[thirtybits]

...D-do you really think so? I mean...it doesn't make me happy...

[...Except it sort of does, in its way. In that he loves to suffer and feel terrible about himself.]

[depicted]

You and your news broadcasts are like me and my picture. We look at them and make ourselves miserable because we must. It's how we know what we are.

[thirtybits]

...That...makes sense, actually. I would ask why we do it to ourselves, but I guess the answer is obvious. And really you already said it.

[depicted]

[Dropping his feet again, Dorian leans forward. He wears his slightly smile and speaks his light voice like hooks to draw Judas out.] Fortunately, I find that part of you charming.

[thirtybits]

[He closes his eyes, head still hung, still unmoving. But the corners of his lips turn up. Now more calm than brooding.] You think so?

[depicted]

Oh, yes. [Dorian speaks with a voice rich in texture and variance, like a surface that catches because of its unevenness. With a finger under Judas''s chin, Dorian tilts Judas's face up to look at his.] Just like traitor, I adore it because of how comfortably you give it to me.

[thirtybits]

[Judas smiles, well and fully. And of course, there's the colour to his cheeks.] I have to say I enjoy being able to...

[depicted]

That also pleases me. In the end, your sinfulness has proved most pleasing.

[thirtybits]

You're not meant to enjoy my sins! You were the one who said they're no good.

[depicted]

Neither am I. Much easier for me to enjoy them.

[thirtybits]

[He looks at Dorian for a moment, and laughs.] No wonder I like you. Now it makes sense. [Judas leans forward, careful not to upset what remains of the food, to kiss Dorian's forehead.]