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[thirtybits]

"This is Judah's voicemail, no need to leave your number, I'll reply as soon as I can."



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[thirtybits]

You are young compared to me. I'm thirteen point five five times your age, technically. And even by the ages at the point of immortality - or death - there's nearly ten years between us.

And then it will be nearly another year for you, seeing as it was January when you came here. So we'll just go with a hundred and fifty-one, when it comes up, then.

[depicted]

[Dorian has to laugh at Judas. He turns them off of the pavement and straight up towards the nearby forested area.] Of course you'd give it with decimals. But as I've said, I still have lived more than you. You have, what, not even thirty years of having lived, if you count the time here as well? I've lived more than five times as many years as you have.

[thirtybits]

I didn't even give the full decimal points - that would be thirteen point five five, infinite three. [~Accounting~] You gave me decimal points with my plants' figures, after all. I don't get to show off my numbers much anymore, I'll take the opportunity. If you ever want to know exactly how much any item is worth, I'm right here.

I wasn't talking about the worth of those years, that's why I said 'technically'. I remember what you said, and the more I think of it, the more I know it's true.

[depicted]

Anything? [Wait, this is important. Dorian stops in front of Judas and gestures at his clothes.] What about these?

[thirtybits]

[He looks Dorian up and down, and within twenty seconds, comes up with a number.] One thousand seven hundred twenty-eight denarii in my time. Four thousand three hundred twenty-two American dollars now.

[depicted]

[Dorian stares at Judas. He bought these in the 1960s, so it takes him a moment to do the conversion from American dollars into pounds and then back through the decades. But when he works it out—]

You were serious.

[thirtybits]

I was serious. Of course, based solely on the material and labour costs, it comes down to three hundred and nine dollars.

[depicted]

How the Hell can you work that out? You don't know Oscar Wilde but you know enough about modern manufacturing and sale to work those numbers out? [HOW. JUST HOW.]

[thirtybits]

It's not that difficult to figure out, there's only a few basic numbers you really need to know. It's all relevant to how much workers are paid and the ease of access to materials.

[depicted]

Which, in a global market, is dependent on knowing which companies are doing what parts of their manufacturing where.

[thirtybits]

Right, which is also pretty easy to figure out. You're definitely wearing a designer label, so they still probably do a good chunk of their work in China, India, Turkey or Thailand, but some in Italy as well. Probably the leather is treated and worked with in Italy, along with the silk being woven there.

[depicted]

[On reflex:] It's Armani. [Ahead of them, the forest looms dark and full of threat, but this has more focus for Dorian.] But when did you learn that? Did Moses tweet you economics reports when you were in Hell, or were those the first types of books you picked up when you were released?

[thirtybits]

The latter. It seemed the most pressing matter to my interests. The current state of the world is greatly dependent on the economy, so it was useful for a lot of basic knowledge.

[depicted]

[Dorian just ... he shakes his head, then picks up pace. Back into the dreaded woods.] You are so fortunate you have me to teach you the things that have worth.

[thirtybits]

That is important! [Judas laughs.] Maybe not to my extent, but even so...

[depicted]

For existing, maybe, although I can't imagine it's necessary. What I know is important for living.

[thirtybits]

Ah, that stipulation again, huh... Then what would you teach me to live?

[depicted]

[Dorian would love to give a quick and clever answer, but they are into a forest now, and he can feel the branches arcing overhead, building vicious fences between them and the sky. He finds himself answering in another key.]

I don't know.

I've been alive for a century and a half, but I don't know how to live. I've felt lacking my whole life, like there was something missing, like there was something more and I just couldn't touch it. Once, and only once, was I ever truly alive, and I lost that so quickly that if it came to me again, I don't know that I could stand to reach out and make it mine once more. [His hand slips into Judas's, and seeks to braid their fingers together.] The things I've said about living are just someone else's words, spoken through me a long time ago. And as for the value of those words, well. They led me to my attic, knife in hand, hoping not just for the end of my life but for the end of my existence.

So perhaps I shouldn't try teaching you anything at all.

[thirtybits]

[Judas laces their fingers, giving a squeeze.] More and more, I wonder if that is the consequence of having truly lived. Destruction and seeking to wipe your existence from the world and own mind. There are different ways to go about leading a worthwhile life, I think we've both managed two very different versions of it. It would be easy to say that if seeking pleasure ended that way for you, the better way to live is seeking purpose. But that's what I did, and it lead me to the same place.

[depicted]

[Dorian smiles, just slightly.] Perhaps we should be seeking therapy.

[thirtybits]

Probably, yes. But the subject of mental health is pretty taboo in both our circles. [Judas returns that same small smile, and another half of a shrug.]

[depicted]

Can you imagine it? [Dorian laughs.] An immortal man seeks psychiatric help for his suicidal desires. I'd be a Timothy Findley novel. And you! Judas Iscariot goes to therapy for depression. No wonder no one in our circles is open to the idea: it's a bloody comedy.

I'm amazed it isn't a Findley story

[thirtybits]

[Now he has to grin, although he tries to physically wipe it from his face. But of course it doesn't work.] It's a pretty ridiculous image. And so here we are instead, silently suffering.

Pilgrim

[depicted]

So much more dignified. To be miserable and wrecked and suicidal. Much more tragic, and so much more worthy of our hallowed places in Western culture. We have no choice, Judah. For the sake of the Western canon, we must suffer on.

[And it's incredible. Like that, he is up from endless misery and back into this fragile and enduring humour. And it is effortless. Dorian doesn't have to fight the pain, Judas doesn't make him fight it. Judas lets Dorian show his years, and leaves the door open for the escape from them.]

I feel the same. As what you said, about spending time with me.

...oh no I haven't read that one, time to fix it

[thirtybits]

[He simply nods to the first part. It's true, he's probably known that for a long time. There's some beauty in it. If nothing else, there's awful jokes, anyway.]

You feel right at home with you too? [He grins.] I'm glad we have the same appreciation for Dorian Gray.